Dear McCain-Palin,

I am Farrah the Unemployed Aspiring Fameball and I am pursuing the American dream of becoming a famous attention whore. While Joe the Plumber and Ed the Dairyman are ok, you defs need a newer, sexier, less bald head for your campaign. That's why I was sooo psyched when I got your email about finding a new Joe the Plumber and I am calling my agent to get a production team together to shoot a hot vid for you.

Basically, I am a hardworking everyday American who is pursuing her dream of one day owning a condominium just to store Prada, and the economy is my first priority. The main reason I am supporting you is that I prefer not to be taxed on the $14 million I will get once I have an A-list baby and sell the photos to, as I am confident that money will trickle down to Joe and Ed once I invest it back into the designer handbag industry. As I am currently unemployed, please tell me what you will do to create new, $250,000 jobs that involve cocktail parties in Christian Louboutin shoes!

I am currently dating Hunter the Upper Class Heroin Addict, who is a hardworking everyday American deeply involved in the illegal prescription drug industry. I will put him in the video too. He totally looks like Chace Crawford.

If you would like me to star in any attack ads, I have done a commercial already. Please contact my agent to negotiate my contract. (I am okay with nudity.)


About The Author

Alisa Harris

0 Responses to Hi, I’m Farrah the Unemployed Aspiring Fameball

  1. Millicent says:

    Not the funniest thing I’ve read on this site.

    Just a couple more weeks and it’ll go back to being a music site again.

  2. emelina says:

    I appreciate that Patrol represents Real America.

  3. Alisa says:

    Thank you, Emily. I appreciate that you appreciate that we represent Real America. Even if we’re so not funny when we try.

  4. Jacob says:

    Sounds like she’d fit better as an Obama supporter. Rich, dumb, clueless, self-important and with an opinion no one should really care about.

  5. Jordan says:

    @ “Millicent” – Although I agree that the election is now weellllll into borrowed time, and that this isn’t the LMAO funniest thing ever written, I can assure you that we are trying very hard to balance our new coverage of things outside the music world, and that Alisa is quite a hilarious person.

    @ JACOB – Serious? That’s like, insanely ridiculous.

  6. Nathan says:

    geez alisa,
    i don’t know about you,
    but i’m super funny and amazingly brilliant every single time that i decided to type a word onto the screen.

    get with the program.
    and i think you should model your approach in the fashion of
    god i hate super long url’s.

  7. Jacob says:

    I am, like, totally, serious, um, ok?

  8. Donny says:

    “Sounds like she’d fit better as an Obama supporter. Rich, dumb, clueless, self-important and with an opinion no one should really care about.”

    Aside from the rich part, that description would also fit the average blog respondent. Myself included.

    My own snark aside, this kind of vitriol is exactly why I can’t wait until Election night, when this will all be over. I support McCain, but I hold no ill will toward those who don’t. I don’t think them intellectually beneath me simply because they have reached a different conclusion than I have. Even if that opinion is, as I admit, one that no one should really care about.

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