Dear McCain-Palin,

I am Farrah the Unemployed Aspiring Fameball and I am pursuing the American dream of becoming a famous attention whore. While Joe the Plumber and Ed the Dairyman are ok, you defs need a newer, sexier, less bald head for your campaign. That's why I was sooo psyched when I got your email about finding a new Joe the Plumber and I am calling my agent to get a production team together to shoot a hot vid for you.

Basically, I am a hardworking everyday American who is pursuing her dream of one day owning a condominium just to store Prada, and the economy is my first priority. The main reason I am supporting you is that I prefer not to be taxed on the $14 million I will get once I have an A-list baby and sell the photos to People.com, as I am confident that money will trickle down to Joe and Ed once I invest it back into the designer handbag industry. As I am currently unemployed, please tell me what you will do to create new, $250,000 jobs that involve cocktail parties in Christian Louboutin shoes!

I am currently dating Hunter the Upper Class Heroin Addict, who is a hardworking everyday American deeply involved in the illegal prescription drug industry. I will put him in the video too. He totally looks like Chace Crawford.

If you would like me to star in any attack ads, I have done a commercial already. Please contact my agent to negotiate my contract. (I am okay with nudity.)

Farrah

 
About The Author

Alisa Harris

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