Patrol’s offices were stolen last week, but it didn’t happen like you might think. There were no CSIs running around taking pictures and fingerprinting. No Law and Order moments with dramatic music or sudden realizations. In fact, most of us didn’t even know. Which is sad, considering we were indirectly a part of the largest heist in history. That’s because last week, as most of us typed furiously, the Empire State Building was stolen.

In a comical, yet scary move last Tuesday, the New York Daily News filed false papers and temporarily took ownership of the $2 billion landmark. “The massive ripoff illustrates a gaping loophole in the city's system for recording deeds, mortgages and other transactions,” the paper said. That might be an understatement. The loophole is that, “The system – run by the office of the city register – doesn't require clerks to verify the information.”

It’s not like they were trying to be secretive either. They left Hansel and Gretel like clues along the way. Original King Kong star Fay Wray was listed as a witness and the notary was Willie Sutton—the famous New York bank robber known for his disguises, his polite robber etiquette, and his expensive tastes in clothes. The building was transferred from Empire State Land Associates to Nelots Properties LLC. “Nelots” is stolen spelled backwards. 

While the News returned the building within 24 hours, Patrol’s staff is still in shock and exhibiting strange behavior. Editor Alisa Harris has fallen in love with the religious Right and decided that Steven Curtis Chapman’s song about President Bush is a top 10 track for the pop charts. Editor-in-Chief David Sessions has admitted he actually hates Gossip Girl for its anti-family undertones and now wears polos buttoned up to the top along with his Birkenstocks. Me? I’ve just included Steven Curtis Chapman, Gossip Girl, King Kong, Law and Order, Willie Sutton, and Birkenstocks all in one post.

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