L-R: Hosea, Carla, and Stefan.

I wasn't going to watch the finale because Fabio is gone, and I live for Fabio. But I am a fan of TV in general, and especially of Top Chef, so I watched it anyways. 

My heart wasn't involved at first. But then Hosea gave Stefan the alligator, and my emotions started boiling over (did you get the subtle cooking reference there?). I started to remember what a whiny little baby Hosea is, and how creepy Carla is (she was good for some laughs earlier on, but the whole "putting love into the food" thing went a little overboard). And then I realized that Stefan is, in fact, sexy (even though I'm not usually into the whole baldie thing) I believe that being attractive should be part of a Top Chef's job. And then when Carla started crying and Stefan said “don’t cry, Carla” I realized that to top it all off, he has a heart. And of course Fabio was rooting for Stefan, so how could I want anyone else to win?

But he didn’t, because the judges are a bunch of elitist, picky eaters. I do not care how refined their palates are because I have a much more palate any day. Plus, there are children starving in Africa who would love Stefan's dessert, even if the plating was “so 1982.”

Top Chef is dead to me. The judges are dead to me, especially Tom (he hated Europeans from the very beginning). Even Padma is dead to me (and I used to admire her almost like I admire Vanna White). Hosea was dead to me from the very beginning. He is like a 14 year old boy: 1) he has no personality; 2) he’s not funny at all; 3) he is a lousy winner; 4) he has bad taste in women; 5) Also, he might be a little bit creepily obsessed with Stefan. If Stefan turns up missing or dead, I will blame Hosea.

So I think that the judges get the prize for Dumbest, Most Stupid Decision of the Century, and I am never watching Top Chef ever again, and in the words of Jeff when he left the show, “I will get over this. In about a decade.”

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