8. If you stay up to date on the latest gossip, I’m sure you’ve seen the recent Facebook group trying to get him replaced as UCLA’s graduation commencement speaker. Do not try to make him feel better by saying, “Don’t worry, James. My peers hate me, too!”
7. Refrain from all of the following: ripping your clothes off, ripping his clothes off, touching him at all, telling him you want to have his babies, screaming that you love him, screaming that you think he’s hot, screaming in general, crying, stuttering and shaking, passing out, staring at him with your mouth open, etc. I know a lot of these will be involuntarily, but try your best.
6. Don’t ask him where he tans. We know you saw his pasty white badunkadunk in the pool scene in Milk. [NSFW image here.]
5. He’s a nice guy. Don’t take advantage of that by having him talk on the phone to your entire cheerleading squad or write out autographs to your sister, mother, grandfather, best friend in Mongolia and Great Aunt Helga.
The other four after the jump.
Good cloudy, chilly Monday morning, New Yorkers, and readers in other places who have much more (and much less) palatable weather than we do. Here's what all the bad people did this weekend:
- Green Day's last studio album came out 5 years ago, but the Bush-angst-driven "rock opera" American Idiot is now being turned into an actual rock opera.
- Mouthy billionaire Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban got fined $25,000 by the NBA for bashing referees on his emoticon-infested Twitter. His response may actually make you like him.
- Twitter is costing everybody money: a young fashion designed has filed suit against Courtney Love for using MySpace and Twitter to slander her.
- The New York Times folded the website of its Paris-based internation edition, the International Herald Tribune, into nytimes.com. You can now toggle between versions. Sweet. Pointless.
- Celebrity gossip blogger Perez Hilton turned 31 this weekend. Zac Efron wrote him a card wishing him "many celebrity meltdowns," and Christina Aguilera sang "Happy Birthday" to him at his Hollywood party.
- So there's this guy out there trying to sell a video of Ashley Biden, daughter of VPOTUS Joe Biden, snortin' some white stuff. But Biden's lawyers don't care, and the video guy's lawer has now dumped the case. What was he thinking? Everybody knows that America's reflexive response to Biden misbehavior is: zzzzzz.
- Barack Obama, after deciding General Motors and Chrysler should fail, asked GM C.E.O. Rick Wagoner to resign, and he agreed. Our heads are confused.
- More scary liberal agendas!
- Dreamworks' Monsters vs. Aliens had the best opening weekend of 2009 so far, raking in $58 million.
Have a great Monday!
Apple is stepping off its pedestal April 7th to provide its 10 million iTunes songs free from DRM entanglement. Finally! But of course there’s no free lunch here. While every other store in the country is advertising vast sales, iTunes is raising their prices. Customers will pick up the extra 30% price increase with three variable price levels: 69 cents 99 cents and $1.29.
While Apple announced this change in January at the last MacWorld Expo, it wasn’t until last week the Los Angeles Times reported the April 7th switch date. Unfortunately, Paul Resnikoff, publisher of Digital Music News says labels will favor the $1.29 price tag.
In Salon, Frances Kissling raises an ethically thorny question: Do we treat potential living organ donors fairly? She says the medical community is overly cautious because of the possibility of bribes or rewards for living organ donation. In fact, "Even without incentives, no group of do-gooders is treated with more suspicion by the medical community." The medical community is so cautious that donors have to cover their own medical expenses for the donation and then insurance provides nothing later for long-term comprehensive health insurance or life and disability insurance.
She says something telling:
Transplants are still a little creepy, and the idea of sharing your body with someone else is still science fiction. It's scary.
I think she's touching on something uncomfortable. It’s possible that the whole issue —- not just “rewards” or “incentives”, but the entire idea of giving your body —- is more complicated than we assume.
The Big East rolled on last night. Anyone who didn’t think they were the best conference in America obviously didn’t listen to me or the rest of those self-professing basketball experts. Pittsburgh survived a scare against Xavier who had an 8 point lead at the half, UCONN handled Purdue easily, and Nova put the lockdown on Duke’s offense. Michael Wilbon thinks UCONN is the team to beat so far, but I’m not ready to hand over that title just yet after seeing Nova beat Duke by 23 and hold Gerald Henderson to seven points.
- The President, at last: Barack Obama, Twitter's second most-popular user, has updated for the first time since the inauguration.
- Dozens filled the streets of San Francisco yesterday to march in support of the child rapist who killed three Oakland police officers last sunday. Oh, Frisco.
- Have no idea how you're ever going to see all the SXSW movies? Watch this one and you'll pretty much get the idea.
- Nasty inside sources say Ashlee Simpson hates staying home with her mancub, Bronx Mowgli.
- Nancy Pelosi's plastic surgery is so perfect, doctors say it doesn't look natural
- X-Men Origins: Wolverine hasn't even hit theaters yet,and there's already talk of a sequel. Sheesh.
- New York City subway fares are, as promised, going up to $2.50
- Speaking of the subway, everything takes too long these days. Seriously. Everything.
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