Why do I hate thee? Is it your helmet-like hair? Your stupid glasses?
 

Listen, I'm one of those guys who judges people based purely on their outward appearance.

And I HATE Mel Kiper Jr.

He came on ESPN earlier today to talk about the beast from University of Texas, Brian Orakpo and I should have been happy because I love my 'horns.

But I wasn't.

I was furious.

ENRAGED.

I've never understood why I so instinctively hated Mel "butt-Wiper" Jr. [A for effort?]  until today.

For whatever reason, he eerily reminds me of Bruce Altman.

Bruce Altman a.k.a. Jack Bradfield.

THE BAD GUY FROM ROOKIE OF THE YEAR!

I'm not going to say that these guys are twins, or even that they are vaguely similar in appearance other than the fact that they both apparently need glasses. But I will say that I hate them both passionately. Chet "Rocket" Steadman kicked your butt once and I'd do it again if I saw either of you!

Hear that ladies and gentlemen? I just called out the so-called draft expert AND the guy who tried to do the dirty with Henry Rowengartner's mom.

THAT'S how we do things around here!

 
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0 Responses to Problem Solved: Why I hate Mel Kiper Jr.

  1. Jen says:

    Due to hugechildhood crush on Henry Rowengartner (and his dimples), I am TOTALLY on board with you, although I have no prior association with HelmetHead McTinyMouth up there.

    Next time, let’s discuss A Kid in King Arthur’s Court (for the record: homemade rollerblades and cheeseburgers —> the way to any young princess’ heart.) Or Angels in the Outfield. Or Ed (the ape-AirBud of baseball). Or, since apparently at least one person on this blog likes hockey, your preferred Mighty Ducks installment (I like 3).

  2. nathan says:

    omg.
    retrospective of my childhood now commences.
    i’m feeling incredibly nostalgic.
    thanks for nothing

  3. stephen c. berry says:

    didn’t have much to write about today, huh?

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