I’m back this week live-blogging for you the prime-time television watching event of the week. No, I’m not talking about the so-funny-he-actually-has-to-act-lame Jimmy Fallon experiment. I’m referring to the TV watching experience where crushes are developed, hopes are built and dreams are shattered—y’know, American Idol.
But as is the problem of still being a college student, I wrestle on weekly basis with deciding to stay in class or skipping it to bring you all my thoughts on the show that America loves to idolize. Alas, I’m paying a hefty amount of money to get a piece of paper that will allow me to charge for my labor so in class I remained and this live blog begins a little late into the show. Nevertheless, enjoy:
8:33 Daaaaaaaaaaaaaamit!! Walked in to see Randy be the last judge to gush over Danny Gokey, my personal choice to win it all. Crap! No clue what’s going on but Danny seemed to have a smile on his face so I assume he did well.
8:35 Papa-Bear-looking Michael is singing “You are not alone.” Let’s go. Oh, he’s going for that sexy sitting down thing. Ok, heartthrob mode. Seems to get through it smoothly, I can get down with that last note at the end of the song.
8:37 Ok, aside from Simon, I need another judge that will actually do some judging and not tell me things that I (and the rest of America) already know. Thanks for mentioning how well-liked Michael is by everyone.
8:43 Spoiler Alert! I’ve just been informed by Ryan Seacrest that this week we’re doing Michael Jackson songs … ok, that wasn’t really a spoiler as it was announced at the beginning of the show, but I always wanted to alert someone about a spoiler. Moving on.
8:45 Jasmine is singing “I’ll Be There.” Love the song. Don’t love her, or the performance. Sorry, but like Boyz II Men said, you’ve come to the end of the road.
8:47 If performers are guilty of oversinging, judges are guilty of overpraising. This performance was not worthy of the praise it got.
8:55 Kris Allen is up next. He’s got a pretty wife, good for him. He comes out playing the guitar, I’m distracted. Maybe more so because when I see him all I can think of is Fez from That 70’s Show.
8:57 Paula and Judge with No Name are quick to say that the ladies love him. Clearly they are speaking of themselves in third person because no ladies under the age of 25 a) call themselves ladies and b) actually like a Fez impersonator.
9:00 WHAT?!?! This next contestant’s dad is from El Salvador! She instantly has all of my votes. ALL OF THEM! Game over. She doesn’t need to say anything else and could butcher every song, but Allison Iraheta has my every vote.
9:02 She has a great voice made to rock out. She needs to milk that for all it’s worth. She is working the stage like a pro. She seems very in command of the performance. A total natural. Wow. Standing ovation well deserved. And I’m not biased at all, that was a completely objective opinion.
9:04 Paula agrees with me, says is mind-boggling how natural she seems on the stage. Randy says that she’s got it and is the one to watch for.
9:10 Why is the fact that Anoop is from North Carolina more surprising to me than the fact that “Anoop” is Anoop’s name?
9:12 Beat it. Uh oh. Do well young padwan. Oh no, matrix background! What’s going on? He sounds off. This is not sounding good to me. He’s messing with the stage more than he’s attempting to sing the song well. His performance tells me that this is a song that only Michael could sing. Sorry Anoop. We’re done professionally, man.
9:14 Simon says it was horrible. Oof, he called it stupid. ‘Nuff said.
9:15 Oh yes, Jorge coming up. I’m excited. I geh so ecsaided when Jorge comes on de teevee dat my axent flers up. Ju’no?
9:20 Wow, all of Jorge’s family came out for the taping of the get-to-know-the-contestant segment.
9:21 Unknown Jackson 5 song, not good. I can’t get into this song, sorry Jorgie boy. But your eyebrows are mesmerizing. Wow! He kind of looks like a young Michael with that curly hair and dark, tanned skin. Let’s hope that helps him in this round, as this song sucked.
9:23 Corny and awful. Simon says.
9:30 Wow, can Megan look any hotter?! Oof. Amazing red dress. She’s also got my votes. Hot mom alert!
9:31 She’s singing “Rockin’ Robin,” which I think is a good fit for her style. There’s some awkward stage stalking, but she’s killing the song, and that outfit! Go girl! This was the perfect cute song for her perfect cute persona.
9:34 Consensus: good song choice. Simon does point out that she was a bit clumsy.
9:37 “Black & White” for Adam. I think he’s the only one that could reach Michael heights with his voice. He’s giving it some screamo twist to the song, which I’m not feeling. Paula, however, clearly is loving it. Crotch grab alert! If anyone would do it, it would be him. He actually performed it right. The singing, however, I do not know about.
9:39 Paula cannot stop gushing. Is he the one she’ll be having an affair with this season? This guy’s about to cry over Paula’s words. They should just go get married after this episode. Paula is signing her resignation as I write this. Simon says he’s in a different league than anything else we’ve ever seen. He’s got it, according to Randy. Judge with no name is talking nonsense.
9:45 Matthew, the Justin Timberlake look-alike makes a great song choice! Busts out the piano, too, although I don’t know why because you can’t really hear it or tell that he’s playing it. He has the high registers to make the song work. It’s solid but not outstanding.
9:50 Paula is blown away, but I can’t take her seriously because even Nicholas Mitchell, A.K.A. Norman, blew her away. Simon calls it a meat and potatoes performance—solid.
9:55 Alexis is coming up. I’m excited. She’s performing “Dirt Diana.” Probably one of my all time fave Michael song.
9:56 She’s killing the outfit, and the song. Roommate says she sounds off. She could be, and I’m just ignoring her because I like her that much. She hits crazy high notes and has a lot of attitude, but she does seem to be having off moments. I like her performance, but don’t know how I feel about that falsetto at the end.
9:58 Judge with no name says she’s back. Calls her a naughty girl. I liked it, too. (P.S. don’t image Google “Dirty Diana” to try to link to your blog unless you’re not at the office). Simon says it was probably too over the top and not as good as she probably thought. I’m wagging my finger at Simon now.
So while I didn’t catch the show from the beginning, the recap to show me what numbers to text for my votes lets me see that Lil’ Rounds was solid and Danny Gokey got experimental by throwing some dance moves in there. He’s still my front-runner even though at some point he and Allison Iraheta will fight over my votes. As for now, after this round my vote for who’s out is a tie between Anoop, Scott and Jasmine. Sorry but that’s what I’m calling. Fortunately for one of those three, only two are getting eliminated. So we’ll check back tomorrow.
TagsAbortion Andrew Sullivan Atheism Barack Obama Bible Book Review Books Capitalism Catholic Church Catholicism Charles Taylor Christian Christianity Christianity Today Church Conservatism Conservatives Education Evangelicalism Evangelicals Facebook Faith Feminism God History Jesus Journalism Mark Driscoll Marriage Martin Heidegger Marvin Olasky Media New Sincerity New York Times Patheos Philosophy Politics Religion Religion and Spirituality Ross Douthat Same-sex marriage Secularism Theology United States Women
Subscribe to Patrol via Email