Here's what happened while you were sleeping, either last night or yesterday afternoon at your desk:

  • Joaquin Phoenix jumped off stage and attacked a member of his audience last night at a Miami nightclub.
  • South Park's return last night was supposed to be a big, mean parody of our little favorites, the Jonas Brothers. But Cartman & Co. actually kind of defended the Jonas universe and called everyone else hypocrites! WTF!
  • Mickey Rourke will star in Iron Man 2.
  • As kind of expected, Ross Douthat is leaving the Atlantic to become the youngest member of the New York Times op-ed page. Don't know of anyone who isn't happy about this.
  • Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston are over for good. No one quite knows why. OH, except for … yeah. Anyway, there are still murky questions everywhere.
  • John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston may also be over. Again. We'll take this opportunity to mention that Mayer is a class-A Twitterer.
  • We're tired of hearing about Chris Brown, too, but he's been stricken from the Nickelodeon Kid's Choice Award nominees. We now resume our regularly scheduled programming.
  • You know all that stuff about scanning your computer and keeping the registry clean so that it will run faster? It's mostly bullshit.
  • People didn't stop shopping last month after all. We're still going to hell, of course, but perhaps not quite as quickly.
  • Eager to advance her personal brand as the most wasteful, gleefully out-of-touch-with-the-nation member of Congress, Nancy Pelosi is ready for another stimulus.
  • Sad: New My Bloody Valentine tour dates include Dallas and Seattle, but not New York.
  • A Slate blogger "can't wait to breast-feed," and her editors illustrate that sentiment with a graphic, front-page image.

So this was kind of fun. Should we do it every day?

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