So terrible things have happened! North Korea launched the rocket we all knew was coming, and so it's time to run around and say panicky things. Bright side: we get to stop talking about other things that are making us panicky right now. Aside from the especially bad Kim Jong Il, here's what the other bad people did this weekend:
- New York City's annual pillow fight (pictured above) was moved to Wall Street this year, as some sort of vague cathartic symoblism for people who have screwed and been screwed by the world. Question of the day: who the !@#% still has pillows with feathers in them?
- All is not right in Alaska: Bristol Palin's ex-boyfriend Levi Johnston has been talking to the press again, this time Tyra Banks, saying that Sarah Palin knew all about the sex. The Palins responded predictably, shouting words about "lies and distortions." Meanwhile, another one of their white-trash relatives was arrested for repeated burglary.
- Speaking of trash, Scanner favorite James Franco trashed a really nice room in someone's apartment, and there's video.
- North Korea's big scary rocket launch was actually a fail. The satellite/bomb placebo disappeared from the radar somewhere between Japan and Hawaii, meaning it didn't get into orbit.
- Chris Brown's lawyer and the prosecutor have nearly reached a plea bargain. Rihanna is hiding away in Barbados and would refuse to testify if the case went to court.
- Who's on Twitter now? Whores.
- 'Member the scary memory-erasing they did in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind? Well, it's about to start happening for real.
- Speaking of movies, Fast and Furious opened with $72.5 million this weekend, blowing last week's 2009-so-far champion—not to mention all of the other Fasts and Furiouses—out of the water. Seriously, people? WTF.
- When Jessica Simpson's friends noticed paparazzi observing their poolside tanning session in Mexico this weekend, they hurriedly threw towels over Jessica's bare butt. Apparently she's the only member of othe posse whose derriere is too fat to be seen.
- Gossip Girl's Ed Westwick writes poetry. Of course he does.
Have a great Monday!
[Photo via Gothamist]
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