Barack Obama kills the pirates

Good absurdly cold Monday morning. Hope you had a great Easter – because lots of the bad people did! Here's the latest:

  • The Somali pirates are dead! We have killed them. Also, we're about to kill some other kinds of pirates.
  • The First Family attended Easter services at St. John's Episcopal Church, the home church of Bush family.
  • Speaking of the Obamas, they finally got a puppy! Senator Ted Kennedy gave them a Portuguese water terrier like they wanted, but it's not homeless like they wanted. So they're donating to the D.C. Humane Society. (P.S. This story has a crazy journalistic sideshow.)
  • The Simpson family, including Joe, Jessica, Tony Romo, and Ashlee Simpson-Wentz, had a paparazzi-surrounded Easter dinner.
  • Amazon stripped the rankings from several notable gay-themed books, leading to a Twitter backlash via the tags "amazonfail" and "glitchmyass."
  • The Republican Party has kinda admitted to owning Fox News. Word.
  • Today in the There Are Actually Hot Young Republicans After All file, there is Eric Ulrich, the new 24-year-old New York City Councilman.
  • Somebody made another incredible map of the internet that probably means nothing, but is good for several mesmerizing hours of exploration.
  • Hannah Montana, or, Hannah Montana, to be exact, is more popular than ever. Vanity Fair's James Wolcott is pleased that she quadrupled the sick Observe and Report.
  • Kahlua sponsored a bash for the first episode of the certain-to-be-unwatchable Parks and Recreation, with star Amy Poehler and husband Will Arnett as the guests of honor.
  • 47-year old Susan Boyle walked onto the stage of Simon Cowell-judged Britain's Got Talent and shocked the audience with a selection from Les Miserables. The priceless video here.
  • Michael Sheen will play a vampire in New Moon, the sequel to Twilight.

Now go get some work done.  

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