Chrysler Files for Federal Bankruptcy The Chrysler Building in Manhattan.

It’s Friday, and we’re not in love with all of the sad passings we have to report this morning. Who feels like talking about Madonna when everything is dying, bankrupting, and retiring? But! Not all of those things are sad, as you will soon find out. And a special promise just for today: not one mention of swine flu.

Chrysler may be over for good; after negotiations to save it broke down, the company will enter a government-managed bankruptcy that our great President says will be quick and painless. (If it’s not, the Times warns, we’ll never see it again.) America’s third-largest automaker, which invented the minivan and owns the Jeep line, will be absorbed by the also-ailing Italian company Fiat. Here it goes, GM. Your turn.

As if President Obama doesn’t need a break from remaking institutions, Supreme Court Justice David Souter has announced his intention to retire at the end of the term in June. Souter was appointed in 1990 by President George H. W. Bush, but became a reliable member of the court’s liberal wing.

Also passing is the short-lived Condé Nast business glossy Portfolio, which launched in September 2007 under the editorship of Wall Street Journal star Joanne Lipman. The magazine’s advertising revenue fell over 60 percent in the first quarter of this year. It’s epic failure, which has employees drowning themselves in alcohol, has been blamed on the collapse of the economy it was designed to cover, a lack of coherent vision, and Lipman’s unwillingness to listen to anybody.

In other magazine gossip, the National Magazine Awards got handed out in New York last night, and hunters and Texans pwned Manhattan! Beating out The New Yorker in the “General Excellence” category were Field & Stream and Texas Monthly, while Esquire won for features, Rolling Stone for profiles, Wired for design, and New York for online excellence.

As we warned, it’s not all death today, but sometimes death is better than life. Also, it’s bizarre and totally ironic how conversions to Christianity are bringing so many rock bands back together: this time it’s Scott Stapp and the bromidic Creed, who plan to reunite for a new album. With Limp Bizkit and Blink-182 already doing the same, the 90s are officially coming back in force.

Vanity Fair entered the blogger-feud war this week with an epic, sprawling online piece documenting the viciously-hated relationship of literary hotshot Keith Gessen and Gawker celebrity Emily Gould, revealing how Gessen’s snobby literary mag n+1 is believed to have been what killed Gawker’s greatness. Gawker overlord Nick Denton still can’t get over it, using his site to hack at the happy couple whenever he can. Even some of his own think he’s gone overboard.

Speaking of media and relationships and war, salacious bits of Elizabeth Edwards’ forthcoming memoir are leaking out. Edwards, who is terminally ill with cancer, writes that she wanted her husband to quit the campaign to be with the family, and the revelation of his affair with Rielle Hunter made her “cry, scream, and throw up.” Hmm, where have we heard this before?

Gay-marriage-opposing Miss California, aka Carrie Prejean, has ridden her kerfluffle with Perez Hilton like a rising cloud of steam. She says it cost her the contest, but come on, she can’t lose for winning: she appeared at the Dove Awards in Nashville last week, went to Washington to crusade, and will appear in a new television ad blasting gay marriage. Also, her implants are all paid for now.

And just in cased you missed Patrol this week, we talked about the great documentaries you can watch on Netflix, the true star of the James Franco family, the new Jars of Clay album, why Christians like torture so much, and why you probably won’t like The Ghosts of Girlfriends Past.

If you made it through all that, you’ve made it through another week. See you on the other side.

[Photo via ANIMAL New York]

 
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