The White House Correspondents Dinner

After a brief hiatus/rainout last Friday, the Morning Gossip is back with everything that the good, the bad, and the ugly did over the weekend. We’ve been leaning toward the grim news side of things lately and, well, since there never is a ton of grim news first thing on Monday morning, what better way to get started than with some good, strong breakfast juice?

The top of the news this weekend was the White House Correspondents Dinner, which is kind of like an Oscar afterparty for politicos (i.e., star-studded but still stiff and stilted, thickly populated by olds and nerds. The attending Twitterati, incidentally, referred to the ordeal as the “nerdprom.”)

The correspondents’ dinner is the annual night where the President shoots arrows into his own buttocks in front of the glutted and inebriated press, and President Obama, unlike the warm-up comedian Wanda Sykes, benefitted from some sharp joke writers. Two fake teleprompters unfurled dramatically on the stage as he welcomed the audience to “the ten day anniversary of my first 100 days.” He continued to riff on Rahm’s potty mouth Michelle’s bare arms, and coyly suggested Dick Cheney title his memoir How to Shoot Friends and Interrogate People. See the full video here.

Even more entertaining was all the journos rubbing themselves against the collected stardom of D.C. and Hollywood, bursting with pertinent analysis and a landslide of Twitpics. The night had barely begun when Meghan McCain called it a “clusterf—-,” and Ana Marie Cox squealed when she met Gossip Girl stars Chace Crawford and Ed Westwick. The ever glam-hungry Daily Beast has all the further analysis you’ll need, here and here.

It would appear Michael Phelps didn’t learn much about being naughty: the same British tabloid that broke his bong story is back for another round, this time pimping Baltimore stripper Theresa White, who claims she was one prong of a marathon three-way involving the Olympic swimmer.

Pope Benedict visited Jordan this week, making a stop at Jesus’ supposed baptism site on the Jordan River yesterday. He urged Christians to play an active part in Mideast peacekeeping.

Ashton Kutcher lost at his own game this weekend: he got punk’d by Buzzfeed founder Jonah Peretti, who posted a fake audio clip of a fan pretending to be upset that Ashton hadn’t replied to a Twitter message. Kutcher called the “fan” to apologize, leaving a two-minute voicemail.

Shockingly, J.J. Abrams’ Star Trek, driven by the all-but-universally acclaimed new Kirk/Spock duo Chris Pine and Zachary Quinto, topped this weekend’s box office with $72.5 million. BUT: it didn’t break Wolverine’s record from last week! If you are one of the four Americans left who hasn’t seen it yet, we suggest you do so immediately or face continued social isolation as everybody heads out for round two this week.

House majority leader Nancy Pelosi disappeared to Iraq until everyone forgets that she knew about torture all along.

First glance magazine roundup: New York has a cover story is on what the city will be like without a money culture, and another piece gives Amy Poehler’s Parks and Recreation some much-needed good press; The New Yorker has a piece on why patient people are more successful, as well as fiction by Salman Rushdie and a review of Waiting for Godot on Broadway; wandering, restless Republicans make the cover of Time; we aren’t sure what the Weekly Standard’s cover story is about, but the headline is “Why Can’t a Girl Have a Penis?”  

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