Blonde, curvaceous girls have enough trouble getting the world to take them seriously. Carrie Prejean’s new book and incoherent press tour to promote the same is doing nothing to help their cause. The former beauty pageant contestant, infamous for her dithering endorsement of “opposite marriage,” took her contested pair of mammaries on the talk show circuit to discuss her memoir, Still Standing: The Untold Story of My Fight Against Gossip, Hate, and Political Attacks, and dodge questions about a newly surfaced sex tape (which, she claims breathlessly, is not really a sex tape, but a private token of love and naked affection.)

That Carrie Prejean is even a public figure has been laughable from the start: fame-whore blogger asks beauty queen incendiary sociopolitical question; beauty queen stammers out a vague position not to the fame whore’s liking; conservatives and liberals rally behind the beauty queen and the fame whore, respectively; salacious photos surface, prompting pageant officials to fire beauty queen and sue her for the cost of her boob job; beauty queen sues the organization right back for “libeling” her due to her “religious beliefs.” Then … beauty queen writes memoir to “Give Americans, just, hope” in the survival of free speech against the biased media? Sounds to me like the beauty queen and the fame-whore have more in common than they realize.

Let’s gloss over the question of how a 22-year-old with about six months of celebrity under her shapely form can possibly fill a memoir. I’m not sure why Prejean views herself as a standard-bearer for conservatives. Her original statement at the Miss America pageant, taken verbatim aside from all the ensuing hubub, is hardly an unequivocal stance. But at some point she was offered a book deal and is now making the rounds promoting this book, which, if she had anything to do with the writing, is probably a puddle of misplaced modifiers, sentence fragments and thinly woven rants against “liberal media bias.”

That was her primary talking point in recent interviews on the Today show and Sean Hannity’s Fox News program. I use the term “interview” rather loosely; a more descriptive phrase would be “banal phrases uncanned with little regard to the question asked.” Hannity, who penned the forward to Prejean’s book, salivated avuncularly over the author while soft-pitching her vague “aren’t you?” and “didn’t you?” questions for her to blather confirmation. He comforts her distress over the alleged sex tape by obliquely referencing some things in his own youth which he wouldn’t want to come to light. (If there’s a Sean Hannity sex tape out there, heaven help us all.)

Meredith Viera’s interview on Today couldn’t be described as hard-hitting, but compared to Hannity’s pandering, she comes off as brutal. Prejean’s responses are eerily identical to those she offered Hannity; at one point, she almost engages interestingly when Viera asks her about being “Palinized,” but then quickly veers off into disconnected ideological statements.

I’ve had enough of pseudo-celebrities trying to force themselves into relevance, complaining in the same sentence that nothing is private and that they’re being silenced. Carrie, if you’re tired of being “attacked,” sit down and be quiet. We’ll all forget about you in a couple months and you can be alone with your fuzzy arguments. But you wouldn't really want that, would you?

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0 Responses to Carrie Prejean, Victim No Matter What

  1. Philip says:

    Brilliant deconstruction, Ms Pelletier. I’m no perfect judge of motives and actions, but as I reached the end of the second paragraph, I too was wondering “Wait, which one’s the queen and which one’s the fame-whore?”

  2. Joe says:

    The day PATROL posts something equally vitriolic about a liberal is the day it has credibility as something other than a Not-As-Evangelical-As-You’d-Think-I-Am webzine doing well at generating hipster appeal. A “dithering endorsement”? Geez. How about a wildly over-reactive Evangelical feministic slam? If Pajean is a lightweight boob job, this writer is an overwrought and straining reactive boob. I don’t need to ask what she thinks of FOX news or Ann Coulter. PATROL, still posing as the voice of intelligent Evangelicals versus intelligent sons of Tony Campolo.

  3. Matthew says:

    That’s a little intense there, Joe. No need to be so harsh. Does Patrol take a lot of cheap shots at conservatives? Yes. Are the writers cozier with and easier on liberals? Yes. Do they still examine interesting issues with a thoughtful perspective? Yes, and even though I do think they suffer from an overwhelming need to be hip and distinguish themselves from all those terrible evangelicals who I SWEAR ARE NOT LIKE ME, I PROMISE I AM COOLER AND NOT A JERK LIKE THEM, this makes Patrol worthwhile reading.

  4. john says:

    I am interested by this site in general, and find myself agreeing with a lot of what is written.

    However, i have to third the “trying too damned hard” comment.

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