So, what could possibly be more disturbing than stalking Gossip Girl filming on the Lower East Side? How about sitting at your computer and counting the number of times Lil Wayne grabs his crotch?

Here’s a shocker: I didn’t watch the Video Music Awards on Sunday night. I know, stop the presses and all that jazz, I just had little desire to watch Britney paraded before my scarred eyes one more time, lip-synch touted as rock, and bands upon which I wish spontaneous combustion on every day named the best in rock.

I couldn’t stay away from the highlights though, and after watching Kanye bore the world with his attempt at a love ballad and the Jonas Brothers channel their brand of boys-on-the-block rock, I ran into Kid Rock’s version of “All Summer Long.”

Here’s one more shocker; it wasn’t half-bad. Ripping off “Sweet Home Alabama” and featuring a passable performance by urban legend Lil’ Wayne, the song managed to capture a little charisma, a little charm and just a little bit of rock and roll.

In the great spirit of all YouTube surfers, you can’t watch just one, and I found myself looking up Lil’ Wayne’s other performance from the night. (Sorry, it’s unembeddable).

And while there arguably might be artistic value in what Lil’ Wayne does, on this particular night, I just couldn’t get past his non-stop below the belt hand-checking. It got so absolutely ridiculous that my friend Luke and I stopped the video, restarted it, and then just started counting.

We counted as a grab any official removal and return of the hand from that anatomical section of the body and we also counted any lingering of the hand in that section for more than five seconds. The count?

In four minutes, Lil’ Wayne’s hand managed to return to his crotch-al region at least 53 times, or 13.25 times per minute.

And if you were wondering: no, this is not a suitable basis for the next collegiate drinking game. It’s just disturbing.

About The Author

Nathan Martin

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