Yes, Scanner readers, we are well aware of your opinions on Gossip Girl. We are also aware that you think I (David) am a girly man for watching it, and that we (David/Alisa/et al) only exhibit our shallow minds and unevolved tastes by writing about it. Thus, we have not written about it in a good while. (65 days to be exact.)

But alas, we are still recovering from a stressful, frenetic political season. And what better way to get back to normal than by vicariously living the extravagant lives of our imaginary New York neighbors? Particularly the most absurd, unrealistic, laughable, comical episode in its history? And even more to the point, how can you not love a show that leads to conversations (if we may insult the term) like this?

Alisa: i liked this gossip girl episode

David: i think it's the most unbelievable one yet
plus it tries to have it both ways
everything be horrible and angsty
and then everybody have a tidy happy ending by the end

Alisa: i wonder which is more unbelievable – jenny's guerilla fashion show succeeding or dan and new york mag

David:  i think probably dan and nymag
but the correct answer is neither

Alisa: what's unbelievable then?

David: lots of it
jenny just standing there while agnes burns the dresses in slow motion

Alisa: that's true – screeching "what are you doing?"

David: bart bass ever speaking to dan

Alisa: eleanor going for cyrus

David: bart and chuck both being like, "please don't" to DAN HUMPHREY
when it would have been more like dismemberment on the spot
although one nymag commenter had a good point about bart being jealous of rufus

Alisa: true – that's how dan manipulated him

David: jealous that rufus was lily's true love, which he clearly still is
and so when dan brought up his dad
bang
ok, so maybe that wasn’t so loopy, but definitely the brass-knuckles Bass men sit on the couch and pout while sensitive Dan marches out with the dirt

Alisa: with the flames in the background
nice touch
also crazy: serena not being ok with casual relationships
cyrus producing aaron

David: cyrus and eleanor being that in love out of nowhere
blair waldorf deciding he's "not that bad”

Alisa: serena going for a guy who doesn't wash his hair

David: also, pa letting jenny walk out of the house a second time
men are stronger than skinny 15 year old girls

Alisa:  i think aaron is still annoying

David: i was liking him
the map thing was kind of genuinely romantic, even if …. times square (?!)

Alisa: i know
i mean … it's a lot of things, but i wouldn't call it "beautiful"
i've heard the cloisters are beautiful

David: but yeah, the whole "i like to date several girls at a time"
who SAYS that to the hottest one

Alisa: i think the way he talks is kind of annoying

David: and the 'stache
the dreadful stache.
so beneath serena.

Alisa: yeah, dan is so much better
he like, writes for new york mag
so much better than making stupid indie art

David: but another daily intel commenter had a good line about her "i don't do condescending moral speeches" spiel—"um, you DATED DAN HUMPHREY."

Alisa: haaa
and she also broke up with him while his moral superiority swelled in a small space
that sounds … dirty
sorry

David: true, and that happened for reasons we still are ignorant of
but my guess is that it was that very thing
can anyone stand dan?

Alisa: vanessa i guess
but can anyone stand vanessa?

David: absolutely not
which means
* trumpets *

Alisa: they're PERFECT

David: supposedly next week is when a character dies

Alisa: i'll bet it's eric van der woodsen

David: that would be a fitting end to such a weak plot line
but my guess is bart or rufus

Alisa: rufus?
noo
i guess jenny could forgo the whole parent-divorcing thing
convenient

David: either way would shake things up
bart, especially – clearing the way for TRUE LOVE

Alisa: ohhhhh

David: annnnd a very akward dan/serena siblinghood
actually maybe not
i think they work much better as siblings
that's what they acted like

Alisa: except they made out all the time
but whatev

David: i think an excellent plotline would be a really pervy rufus / vanessa ordeal

Alisa: i know
i've thought that
they have all these heart to hearts in that café
they're the only decent people
why not hook up?

David: also a) it's been endlessly foreshadowed
b) it's been done before … ie, nate/duchess 
c) it's time both of them lose some of that moral superiority

Alisa: definitely
i hope eleanor and cyrus get married
which would make blair and aaron siblings

David: which would be AWESOME.

Alisa: ha
i love blair more and more – i think she's my favorite
she has all the best lines 
“i wanted a harry winston choker for my birthday, and instead i got a conscience"

David: she has totally overtaken serena as the most sympathetic character
especially now that she's being nicer
it makes her seem really elegant and classy

Alisa: yeah
with a splash of b—

David: which, really, is what every perfect woman should be
a lightning-wit b—, just slightly under control

Alisa: yup

David: and it would be a travesty for us to be the only ones who read this brilliance
so. blog post.

Alisa: lol
the gossip girl haters will loooove this

David: all the more reason to do it

* * * 

We're still not entirely sure what possessed us to share this. We have no idea, actually. You may deal with us in the comments.

 
About The Author

Alisa Harris

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