Good St. Patrick's Day Eve morning. If you're not awake yet, you will be when you see what all the bad people did this weekend! And some good people, too, of course, though the bad ones are usually more fun. Anyway:

  • Good Morning America stalks Levi Johnston, demanding to know if he has "any regrets" about his (wise) decision not to marry Bristol Palin yet.
  • The Snuggie has given the phrase “funny business” a new meaning.
  • Dakota Fanning kicked Watchmen’s ass in week two. Despite desperate pleas to fanboys to see it again, the superhero epic still hasn’t broken even.
  • After the couriers left the castle with Lindsay Lohan’s arrest warrant, she reportedly turned to Twitter, and dear god is it crazy. Also, we hear things are going dreadfully on the lesbian lover front.
  • Speaking of Twitter, that’s exactly where Trent Reznor turned to review Chris Cornell’s new record. Jesus.
  • Incompetent former FEMA director Michael Brown is back in New Orleans and updating his Facebook status.
  • Anybody else confused as to whether it’s Katherine Heigl’s Grey’s Anatomy character or Katherine Heigl herself that’s dying from brain cancer?
  • Joaquin Phoenix update: The brawl we reported last Thursday was actually a fake brawl with a fake fan. Bummer.
  • Some people think lean times make men want fatter women. WHOO WHOO WHOO goes our B.S. detector.
  • Note to Christians: What if “non-denominational” really means “lazy and uneducated?” Suck on that, and perhaps comment.


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